Loving pain

I look at people

Moving, flowing, loving through chapters and places

Me

Stable in time and pain

Unable to make you suffer

To love another 

Or love what I've become

Like the throe your happiness gives me
I like it
In a well of loneliness
Pull my hair one last time
Inhale my last breath
Waterboard myself to death
I try it in a loop
I want to try it again
It never ends

The hate remains
In my brain
It can't feel anything else
Anymore